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10:21 p.m. - 2006-05-08
In which...mountain, flames etc. Part 2.
Yeah, that's right, I was on about Cross Fell & stuff when I got too pissed to type any more. Tee- totaller as a rule y'know, but thought I'd try it just the once....

Anyfuckinghoo. The story -

One of those boring thursdays in the office of shattered dreams, where despair hangs in the air like bad perfume. Someone suggested that we go and walk up Cross Fell on saturday and stay overnight in the bothy near the top (Greg's hut, as it's known). Okey dokey then, I'm a drop of a hat man for this sort of lark. So let's fast fwrd to saturday.
Dramatis personae (names disguised to ensure complete anonymity)-

*jbison - A bloke. (Modesty forbids listing his many talents and accomplishments.)

*ohn - A bloke. 'Ray Mears' type wilderness nut. Could light a fire underwater, make a survival shelter out of a handful of sheep droppings. Splendid chap. Colleague of *jbison.

*ichael - A bloke. Cocky little chap. Violence-obsessed martial arts whizzkid. Should be an arsehole, but is actually a truly sound geezer. Colleague of *jbison.

*ianne - A lady. Looks a bit like Patsy Kensit. Highly regarded Psych expert - she can stamp "LOONY" on your file (didn't know you had a file? paranoid?).
Brand newly married to *ohn. Reluctant to carry heavy packs.

*atthew - A young whippersnapper. Son of *ianne. Reluctant to carry heavy packs.

*ichael dragged me away from The Charlaw at 16:00 and we drove up to meet the other victims at their caravan near Alston. Drove to Garrigill (or Carrigill? Can't be arsed to check) in their geet-big-fuck-off people carrier. We had wine, lager, sausages, burgers, bacon (sorry veggies - eat grass if you feel hungry), and an entire large pack filled with firewood. So we set off and lugged all that crap up to Greg's hut. I make it sound like an epic trek but it only took about 3 hours, and the filthy lying bastard guide books will tell you that this is "the easiest section of the Pennine Way"

This ain't finished yet. :)



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