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9:51 p.m. - 2006-06-04
Bad times
Bad day. Very dark, bad day.

Started out okay with an early dog walk at 6 a.m. Blue skies, sunshine, all that carry-on. Poached eggs for breakfast. Nothing can go wrong.

But something switched in my head.

I started out by finally sorting out my Dad's shed. I've been putting off for ages. It's over a year since he died, so I thought I could handle this stuff okay, and at the time it seemed okay, but the sum of everything must have gotten to me.
The toolboxes, the jars of nails and screws, garden tools hanging from the walls, cans of paint and varnish, the last parts of the greenhouse he never finished...
With the door closed it felt like a place that was just waiting for him to return. Perhaps I was waiting too.

I was supposed to be walking in the afternoon, a decent 12 mile amble with a mate, but she had to cancel. Normally I would have gone out anyway (Stevenson's 'Walking tours' recommends it) but I stayed home. And had a really bad time of it.



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